i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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