Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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