great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
