just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
