ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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