she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
