If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
