I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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