i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize