How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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