I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
