Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think my moral compass just broke
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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