He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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