Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
is wine microwaveable?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
