Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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