i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
