It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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