i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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