Pants 0. Shit 1.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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