once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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