Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure