Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.