Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.