it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
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I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag