3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night