Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.