so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...