Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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