I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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