I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize