Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
