When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
