If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
