a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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