Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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