oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
