Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
