mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
