omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize