Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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