She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
