i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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