So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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