we're blogging at a bar
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
