I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
