my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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