I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
