Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
