you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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