I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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