my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
