watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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