Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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