Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
