I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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