I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
