For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
