Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
