I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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