im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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