Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
