i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
