Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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