all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
