Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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