i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
