she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
