so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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