You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
