She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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