Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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