She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
