sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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