Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize