The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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