I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
