she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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