Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
