I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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