he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
