I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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