I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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