I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
